A VERY DANGEROUS PLANT THAT NEEDS TO BE ILLEGAL IN ALL 50 STATES

                 Here in Colorado, as you well know, they legalized a plant that makes people act silly and giggle. Whatever, nevermind, none of my biz. But there is a plant that is legal in all 50 states imported directly from Mexico, that is much more dangerous: Its use can wreck the lives of many decent and law abiding Americans and the pain, hurt, and heartache it causes could even quite possibly ruin live-in relationships and destroy marriages: It looks good, smells good and tastes good but the consequences of ingesting this plant can be more devastating than Eve's Apple. I made the mistake of giving into temptation and indulging in this plant, and as a result, I have been in absolute agony all morning long.
                I do not want to be crass or crude by describing in vivid details but I will try to give you an idea: If you saw the movie "ALIEN", the most memorable scene was when that dude ingested some food that disagreed with him, and the result was a gruesome birth of a creature that violently eviscerated and emerged from the guy's stomach by shredding and tearing through his torso. And if you also remember, prior to that birth, when the crew did an autopsy on the dead alien creature and cut one of its digits, the result was that its blood was a horrifically corrosive acid that burned through four platforms of steel on the Spaceship. 
            I won't say anymore and you can use your imagination, but let's just say that the delicious and enticing plant I indulged in my dinner last night had me screaming in complete and total agony this morning. I am grateful I am a solitary single bachelor.
                We need to STOP the cultivation, importation, and selling of Jalapeno Peppers!!! Vote YES on this bill I am writing right now as we speak, and I approved this message.