Good morning and Happy Easter everybody. I am usually overflowing with gratitude and happiness Easter mornings but this year, I am more than a little disappointed and upset. For 51 years, I have always loved waking up to see what goodies the Easter Bunny brought me in my Easter Basket. This year was a huge disappointment and what he did bring left me cold. More on that later but here is a note he left for me with his lousy "goodies" in my Easter basket this year.
Dear Teddy,
Happy Easter to you and your family! For 51 years now, I have brought you countless Cadbury eggs, many variations of delicious yellow and pink marshmallow Peeps, Reese's peanut butter eggs, hollow and solid chocolate bunnies, jelly beans, and all kinds of other assorted Easter goodies as per your request.
I am sorry that what I brought you this year is probably not what you wanted nor expected in your Easter Basket. But I cannot continue to be an enabler and grant your every wish like a spoiled lazy fat kid any longer. You promised me last Easter that if I gave you all your requested goodies, that you would be brassiere free by Easter this year. I realize you did make some half- hearted progress, as you went from a D cup to a C cup, but you promised me your man boobs would be completely gone and your giant hourglass hate handles would be gone as well. You have failed me and most importantly, you have failed yourself.
I want you to attain your weight loss goal and so this year I am afraid I am going to have to use some Easter Bunny tough love: So as far as all your goodies you requested, you will not be getting anything sweet or scrumptious.
I hope you enjoy this much healthier Easter Basket. I am also hoping with these healthy treats, in combination with your getting at least 30 minutes of bunny hopping daily for your cardio, that next year I will not see you shaped like a hard boiled Easter egg any longer.
I hope you enjoy this much healthier Easter Basket. I am also hoping with these healthy treats, in combination with your getting at least 30 minutes of bunny hopping daily for your cardio, that next year I will not see you shaped like a hard boiled Easter egg any longer.
Love,
The Easter Bunny
Anyway, the reason am so upset and disappointed, is all he left me in my Easter Basket was a carton of egg whites, celery sticks, raisins, various vegetables and a bag of peeled baby carrots with this watery testeless fat-free ranch dressing that tastes like rabbit caca. Zero Goodies. But regardless, once again, Happy Easter everybody. A very slim Easter.
