I myself am way too much of a perfect gentleman to ever go pay money to
see sordid smut like 50 Shades Of Grey: I find movies like this absolutely
disgusting and misogynistic, and it is extremely disturbing to me that it
grossed over $94 million it its very first weekend. Much like the hugely successful 9 1/2 Weeks was in 1986, I find it a sad reflection of our society of what has become of
our American values over the last 29 years and how little has changed as far as progressive thinking.
But because I am a man of vision and opportunity, I have decided to take full advantage of this movie’s release due to a need: There apparently has been an epidemic of recent reports of certain over-enthusiastic men doing more in the theater than just handling their popcorn while watching this movie.
But because I am a man of vision and opportunity, I have decided to take full advantage of this movie’s release due to a need: There apparently has been an epidemic of recent reports of certain over-enthusiastic men doing more in the theater than just handling their popcorn while watching this movie.
As a result, I have been calling movie theaters all across the nation
with this new product I am developing. These could be handed out like 3D glasses
before the show to eradicate this nuisance of over- enthusiastic male audience
members, (pun fully intended.)
But before we have our IPO (as soon as our commodity is completed and rushed into
development,) I wanted to share a
picture of this prototype idea I found on the Internet that I think will provide a very
valuable service. I have been trying to contact the owner of this image to split our profits 50/50, kind of like the "Optigrab" in The Jerk, to no avail. If any of you know who came up with this pre-patented stroke (again, pun fully intended) of genius please give him my number.
While I am waiting for my phone calls back from all the national movie
theater chains, I am going to relax and check out my new issue of Playboy and the new 2015 Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit issue.
